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Great Cholistan

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Republic of Great Cholistan
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National Flag
Cholis
Civil Ensign
Motto
"Bigger Heads"
National Anthem
Devil's Trill Sonata
Capital City Iguazabad
Official Language(s) English, Urdu, Punjabi, Spanish
Established 21/04/08
Government Type Democracy Democracy
Alliance Flag of the Democratic Order
The Democratic Order
AllianceStatsIcon rankingsWorldIcon warIcon aidIcon spy
Nation Team Aqua team Aqua
Statistics as of 28 Apr. 2008
Literacy Rate 20.00%
Religion Sikhism Sikhism
Currency Currency Euro Euro
Infrastructure 400
Technology 30
Nation Rank 21,803 of 10,774 (202.37%)
Total Area approx. 70 miles Earth icon
Native Resources Marble and Wheat

The Republic of Great Cholistan is a nation situated on the Indian Ocean. It is a small, multicultural, developing democracy.

Geography

Great Cholistan ('great moving land') lies on the Ganges Delta. It consists of a mainland, a fluvial archipelago, where the capital Iguazabad is located, and several offshore islands. It has one of the most fertile soils in the world. Its climate is tropical with a mild winter from October to March and strangely temperate summers from March to June. A warm and humid monsoon season lasts from June to October. In contrast with its namesake, the Cholistan desert in Central Asia, Great Cholistan sees a lot of rainfall.

History

The territory now comprising Great Cholistan was until 1548 an unpopulated floodland. The eruption of (not really nearby) Mount Merapi created its current surface. Spanish explorers, having seen first Goa and then Pondicherry taken over by the Portuguese and French respectively, took the next prettiest spot in the subcontinent and founded the colony of Nueva Vallecas. Less interested in trade than in religion, the Spanish kidnapped neighbour Bengali and Kachin tribesmen to convert them to Catholicism. This enterprise failed miserably, however, as the heavy Spanish marble cathedrals quickly sank in the Cholistani mudlands. This left the tribesmen quite unimpressed by a God who not only was hairy and ungroomed, but couldn't make a single temple stand straight. The Spanish colonials grew quickly disappointed and deserted their colony, leaving nonetheless thousands of Colombian and Filipino slaves stranded, along with some of the tackiest buildings in the whole of Asia.

It came to the Mughal Empire, under Shah Jahan (of Taj Mahal fame), to rebuild the colony in 1653.
Shahj

Shah Jahan, first patron of Iguazabad

Nueva Vallecas was renamed Iguazabad (iguazo meaning tacky in the Spanish Colombian dialect) and brought unprecented glory to the city. Islam struck a better chord with the locals, as the Mughals smartly carved minarets into the largest trees and drained parts of the mangrove forest. The colony prospered and became an outpost of the silk, opium and Taj marble souvenir trades. It was one of the last places to be taken over and then neglected by the British, in 1857. Cholistan was administered from Mandalay, which was quite frankly too far away to matter.

British neglect was one of the main reasons for thousands of refugees from Belize to Bangalore to flee to Cholistan to be left alone. Urdu slowly started to mix with Spanish and English to form the Cholistani dialect. Whilst not really thriving, Iguazabad didn't decay under British neglect either. Rabindranath Tagore visited the city in 1886 and wrote some of his least remarkable poems, inspired by its wonky gardens and oddly rococo architecture. Immigration from the Punjab brought Sikhism to Cholistan and quickly gained popularity, as the Sikhs were by far nicest to the already extremely multicultural native population.

During the events leading to the 1947 Partition of India, Cholistan was forgotten and remained a nominal part of the British Empire. Documents reminding of its existence were found in a dusty drawer in London in 1969. Due to a bureaucratic blunder, Great Cholistan had been adjudicated under international law to the Republic of Mauritius. Being officially part of a country too far away or too poor to care, Great Cholistan was left in legal limbo for decades and continued being an insider tip for refugees from all over the world. Punjabis from Uganda, Sephardic Jews, Biafrans and dissident Czechoslovakians were among the most prominent groups coming to live in the archipelago during the Mauritian non-administration.

Eventually, the request for independence came through the sclerotic Mauritian system and Great Cholistan became an independent nation.

Politics

Great Cholistan is a bicameral parliamentary Republic. The House of Tongues is the lower house, it is constituted by 70 members. It is directly elected by the people of Great Cholistan more or less every four years. Elections follow the German model of personalised proportionality with 35 first past the post constituencies and 35 proportionally allocated seats. The upper house, called House of Heads is formed by 25 members appointed for 10 years by the government for their services to science, culture and society in general. it has limited veto rights as a head veto can be overriden by 42 tongues.

The Current Government is headed by Prime Minister Albaretus Roshgadol, (of mixed Hebrew and Albanian heritage) of the Progressive People's Party (PPP) in coalition with the Libertarian Union (LU) for a fourth consecutive term. The seat allocation at the current House of Tongues is as follows:

  • Progressive People's Party (PPP): 29
  • Libertarian Union (LU): 7
  • Akali Dal Cholistan (Sikh) (ADC): 6
  • Socialist Party of Cholistan (Zapaterist) SPC-(Z): 23
  • Socialist Party of Cholistan (Blairist) SPC-(B): 4
  • One Irredentist Cholistan (OIC): 1

The Members of the House of Heads are assumed to be unaffiliated

Districts

Cholistan is divided into nine districts, named after their respective capitals:

  • Mainland: Nueva Amritsar, Cd. Chayajan (Shah Jahan City), Sundarbanes, Lahorcito (Little Lahore).
  • Fluvial Island: Iguazabad (capital city)
  • Proper Islands: Gobind Leon, Isla Llajanguir (Jahangir Island), Mountbatten's Souk, Andaman y Escobar.

Foreign relations

Great Cholistan has a constitutionally enshrined policy of Neutrality and strives for friendly relations with all willing nations.

Demographics

90% of Cholistanis are of mixed race, however they are required to assert an ethnicity for statistical purposes. According to the 2008 census Great Cholistan recognizes 25 ethnic groups, none of which comprises more than 10% of the total. In descending order of population: Punjabi, Bengali, Castilian, Karen, Colombian, Filipino, Biafran, Jewish, Somali, Albanian, Telugu, Czech, Tatar, Burmese, Han Chinese, Balochi, Korean, Tajik, Tamil, Bosnian, Kalmyk, Arab, Ruthenian, Oriya, Belizean.

Compared to ethnicity, religion in Cholistan is relatively homogenous: 51% Sikh, 25% Muslim, 10% Calvinist (their stripped out churches do not sink, see History) 6% Hindu, 4% Jewish, 4% No Religion.

Official languages are Urdu, Punjabi, Spanish and English, though many more are spoken.

Culture

What really unites Great Cholistan is its love for music. Great Cholistan has the most violinists per capita in the world. The national anthem is the devilishly hard Devil's Trill from Tartini. Walking through the cities of Iguazabad, Nueva Amritsar and Ciudad Chayajan the visitor will find loads of places named with exquisite taste, from Itzhak Perlman Road to Joy Division market through Nusrah Fateh Ali Khan square, Carlos Gardel forest and Fugazi railway station. The national opera of Cholistan is the most famous in the region by far and the capital city has three feuding philharmonics, two jamming jazz clubs and a lonely emo band.

Cuisine is predictably diverse and visual arts aren't worth mentioning, though there is a small film industry, predictably called Choliwood as it is.

Education

The National University of Cholistan is being built as we speak.

Sports

The most popular sports in Great Cholistan are Cricket, Soccer and Sepaktakraw.

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